Dumbing Down

I have something to say. Shocking, I know.

I caught myself at work today telling all the little girls that they were "cute" or "gorgeous" or "pretty". Sure, I don't know them, so that's a pretty safe observation when you're dealing with mostly strangers, especially in a vulnerable situation. It's easy, superficial, and it doesn't make the conversation too serious. Parents with children with them at the Food Bank most likely don't want to get into it with them. And so, calling a girl cute or pretty is safe.....but I don't do the same thing with little boys. I call them "buddy" or "dude" I tell them they are "cool" or "neat"; true it's also harmless and light and safe, but it's different. I am not creating a commentary on them based on their physical looks and assuming that their physical looks somehow interpret their innate worth. Yes, my comments are harmless enough as they are simply meant to diffuse a tense situation, but this is something that bigger than just me at work. Why do we consistently comment on little girls and their physical appearance as somehow equating to their worth as a human? I don't go around telling little boys that they are "handsome" or "dapper" or "cute" nearly as much as I do with girls. Oh I know that all my textbooks from University have explanations in them. I know that this is a social construct that has been created because we judge a female's worth on her physical attractiveness whereas we allow judgement on men to be based on their intellect and ability to provide in some form or another. We sexualize young girls far more than we do boys, we encourage young girls to be thin, and conform to our ideal beauty at a far younger age than we do boys. If you want quantitative stats on this just go online. I guess what I find so interesting about this is that I know the damage this does to girls; I studied it for 4 years in University and yet I catch myself doing it. I know better than that! Why don't I talk to those girls about school, or about books, or about who their favourite woman is? Sure, I don't do that with the little boys either, but I am also not reinforcing their importance or notability on their physical appearance. I believe in raising strong, smart, funny, independent little children. I see a lot of the same children over and over and it does get to a point where they understand what is going on and that their family is somehow "lacking" (not my belief, but a general feeling that many of these children will internalize) because they are accessing assistance from a community agency. If I can somehow empower a little girl to see herself as worthy and smart and important based on her brain and person rather than her looks and perceived beauty.

So now I am conscious of this. Tomorrow at work, each little girl that I meet I will ask them how school was, I will ask them what their favourite book is, I will tell them that they are pretty rad for helping their parent(s) with getting groceries. Changing the way I address little girls in and out of work may not change the world, it may not even change how these girls see themselves and compare themselves to social standards of beauty, I may not even reach one little girl is having her understand her importance as a brilliant addition to our world, but all I can do is try. I hope that if (hopefully WHEN) I have a little girl she grows up understanding there are no limits for her based on her physical appearance. Rather, because she has a brain and uses it she will be good - not because she is "beautiful" or "cute" or "gorgeous".

So today go ahead and tell the girls and women in your life that they are beautiful, but tell them that they are smart too and that's just as awesome, because it is. Brains are cool.

Found these rad buttons that speak the truth here.

Pippi Longstockings

When, (and if) I'm a mother to a girl, I will read her Pippi every night. This girl is a true feminist.

My sister bought me this shirt yesterday because she knows how much I love Pippi

This passage sums it all up for me:

“the children came to a perfume shop. In the show window was a large jar of freckle salve, and beside the jar was a sign, which read: DO YOU SUFFER FROM FRECKLES?

What does the sign say?” ask [sic] Pippi. She couldn’t read very well because she didn’t want to go to school as other children did.
It says, ‘Do you suffer from freckles?’” said Annika.
Does it indeed?” said Pippi thoughtfully. “Well, a civil question deserves a civil answer. Let’s go in.”

She opened the door and entered the shop, closely followed by Tommy and Annika. An elderly lady stood back of the counter. Pippi went right up to her. “No!” she said decidedly.

What is it you want?” asked the lady.
No,” said Pippi once more.
I don’t understand what you mean,” said the lady.
No, I don’t suffer from freckles,” said Pippi.

Then the lady understood, but she took one look at Pippi and burst out, “But, my dear child, your whole face is covered with freckles!”

I know it,” said Pippi, “but I don’t suffer from them. I love them. Good morning.”

She turned to leave, but when she got to the door she looked back and cried, “But if you should happen to get in any salve that gives people more freckles, then you can send me seven or eight jars.” 

Astrid Lindgren was a woman after my own heart. She is one of those people that I would meet if I could. She is someone who teaches little girls that they are strong enough, smart enough, and unique enough.

Never forget to tell the young girls in your life how special they are. That it is not because they are cute or beautiful that they are wonderful but because they are smart and interesting. Teach these girls that they too can be as confident as Pippi and they too should be proud of their freckles.